Reversing The Negative Effects of Social Media On Mental Health with Mark Weinstein

Ashish: I'm so excited to have you on our Happiness Squad podcast. As we were chatting before we started recording, you were one of the pioneers of social media—not the inventor, but you’ve been part of it since the very start.

I can’t think of anyone better positioned to talk about social media, the mental health crisis we’re in, and how we can use social media as a force for good. Thank you for joining us.

Mark Weinstein: It’s a great pleasure. There’s so much important to talk about. I’ll follow your lead—ask me anything.

Ashish: Thank you. I want to start with this question: In your book Restoring Our Sanity Online, you discuss how social media and online behaviors are contributing to a mental health crisis. Can you share your perspective on how these digital habits are negatively affecting our mental well-being?

Mark Weinstein: It’s really a mental health breakdown. Let’s call it what it is. Back in the ’90s, I built one of the first social media platforms: Superfamily.com and Superfriends.com. They were PC Magazine Top 100 sites for three years. That was Web 1. Later, in Web 2, I built a social network called MeWe. It still exists. I left MeWe 2.5 years ago. It has about 20 million users, which is unprecedented. It’s one of the few social networks still competing with Facebook.

That said, I don’t work for MeWe anymore. I left because the problem is much bigger. MeWe had no ads, no targeted content, no boosted timelines, and a Privacy Bill of Rights. It still does all these great things. But the problem with social media is massive.

I want listeners to know I love social media. That’s why I got into it back in the ’90s. The web is only 35 years old, and Facebook is just 20 years old. When Facebook was gaining traction, it was about 17 or 18 years ago. In perspective, the web is still a baby.

What’s happened today is the way data collection and AI-driven algorithms work. They grab your data, parse it, and compile thousands of pages of information about you. A reporter once asked Meta how much data they had on him. They provided 60,000 pages. He wasn’t asking as a reporter—just as a regular person. This shows the extent of the data they collect.

With this data, they know what you’re thinking before you think it. They know everything you do, everywhere you go, everyone you talk to, what you buy, where you work, where you eat. Credit card companies and other entities are all part of this data ecosystem. Massive data companies aggregate information from disparate sources, creating detailed profiles on individuals.

For years, Facebook has employed psychologists and data analysts to develop learning algorithms that manipulate thoughts, purchases, and decisions. These algorithms anticipate everything about you.

This manipulation impacts mental health. It often contradicts natural thoughts or feelings, and people don’t realize they’re being manipulated. Half of Facebook users get their news on Facebook, which decides what news they see.

This issue extends beyond Facebook or Meta. It includes TikTok, X, and other platforms broadly categorized as social media. Personal social media, like MeWe and Snapchat, is about connecting with family, friends, and like-minded people while following pages and news.

On the other hand, platforms like TikTok, X, and Instagram are about following trends, boosted content, and what’s popular. This creates a different experience. That’s why most people have more than five social media accounts.

Ashish: I love it. This notion from The Social Dilemma documentary—if you're not paying for it, you are the product—was powerful. If you're not paying for it, you are the product.

Mark Weinstein: Yeah, right. Exactly. I hear this on every interview now. Somebody's father gets addicted to the feed because the manipulative algorithm works so well now with AI supercharging it.

Take this to our kids, imagine what it's doing to our children, with no rules about the age. Sure. Facebook says you got to be 13 to join. “Okay. I'm going to join tomorrow. I'm going to lie about my age. I'm a 10 year old, but I'm going to say I'm 22.” Facebook says, “Okay, here's my email address. Here's my name.” Great. Boom.

Also, Instagram just rolled out some new rules for teens. They all require teens' cooperation now. There's nothing verifying about it. If you don't want to be verified, great, just lie on your own.

Ashish: I couldn't agree more. At the heart of this, Mark, I fundamentally believe—and as you talk about in your book—we’re becoming more polarized because we’re being fed news that the algorithm thinks aligns with how we think. This creates confirmation bias.

For me, it goes back to this idea that we often think in terms of good and bad. What you built is an example of good social media. It’s never about the tool or technology itself. Think about the metaphor, a knife in the hands of a surgeon saves lives, but in the hands of a murderer, it takes lives.

When social media started—when Facebook and WhatsApp groups launched—it felt like a gift. It helped me reconnect with friends I had graduated with but lost touch with. LinkedIn did the same. Social media could have been a massive force for good, connecting relationships and helping us thrive.

Yet, because of consumerism and exploitation rather than conscious capitalism, it’s become a tool that’s causing us to struggle. We’ve become dopamine addicts, highly polarized, and entrenched in our views because we believe everything we see. And now, it’s so easy to fake what we see. People say, "I saw it, so I believe it," but manipulated content makes it impossible to tell truth from lies.

Mark Weinstein: For our listeners, this is the Happiness Squad Podcast. Don’t worry, because we’ll talk about solutions. But first, the problem is massive. We all see it—whether it’s with our kids, grown kids, or even ourselves. If you’re 30 now, you were 10 when Facebook launched and 10 to 12 when MySpace was everywhere.

If you’re 10 to 12 now, you’re hooked on Snapchat streaks, YouTube, and TikTok. It’s entertaining, but it’s a mess. One thing I want to emphasize as we look at solutions is that we don’t truly hate each other in America. The backbone of democracy is disagreement, and that’s what makes our political system great.

In other systems, you can’t disagree. If you do, you’re jailed, and your neighbor reports you. In America, disagreement works. We can talk to friends, neighbors, put signs in our yards or cars—that’s the American way. But bots, trolls, and adversarial countries have interfered, boosting divisive content.

On X, bots and trolls can easily get verified because they have access to credit cards. These machines are funded by nefarious entities and countries. They buy a blue check and further amplify harmful content. On Meta, it’s about the money.

Now we need to focus on restoring our sanity online. As Ashish said, I love social media for its original vision. I was one of the early visionaries, excited about using technology to stay connected with family and friends worldwide.

In the ’90s, we were already working globally with great tech. Email was big then, just as it is now. But email was, and still is, one-dimensional. You can’t capture someone’s emotions, thoughts, or feelings through written words alone. It’s limited, though useful for a simple, "Hey, I’m doing okay, are you?"

Ashish: And there is a time lag with it, right? There's a massive time lag.

Talk to us, Mark, about strategies for restoring balance in our lives. We’ve become hooked, constantly "on," and need to address this. You also talk about how we can show up authentically and address the crisis of authenticity—this desire to be someone we’re not.

I want to focus on these two topics: the source of the problem and, most importantly, the actions you’d suggest for listeners. Without action, we’ll continue to struggle and won’t flourish. I don’t think anyone can truly flourish today without addressing our relationship with the digital world, which we’ve knowingly or unknowingly plugged into.

Mark Weinstein: I love what you said—this idea of a crisis of authenticity. For everyone watching and listening, this isn’t hard work. Take a breath and know that help is here. Help is us.

Big tech, like big energy and big agriculture, operates to make us disempowered and dependent. That’s what happens when systems become monopolistic. We end up with a paternalistic capitalist system that stops being effective. Once the free market is eroded, we’re left with monopolies.

The American economy is built on free-market capitalism, which depends on rules and regulations that allow startups to challenge monopolies and provide better services or products. This competition drives innovation and improvement, ensuring entrepreneurs work to serve us.

What can we do right now? First, with kids, it’s straightforward. Avoid using screens as the easy way out. Sweden recently introduced rules banning screens for children under two years old—no phones, TVs, or any screens. Screens are addictive, like heroin.

In the hands of an infant—a two-month-old, a six-month-old, or a one-year-old—it’s game over. They become addicted. Sure, FaceTiming with a grandparent is different, but put the phone away afterward. Babies don’t fully understand FaceTime anyway.

Instead, focus on books—spread them everywhere. When you go to a restaurant, don’t give your child a phone to stop them from crying so you can enjoy your dinner. That sets you up for more misery later. Engage with your child in the moment and find alternatives: food, drinks, crayons, toys. Kids love watching people in restaurants more than looking at phones.

Ashish: Mark, I was reading something, and I’m sure you know this with how much you research. For our listeners, I was shocked—and I’m one of those people. We have a 14-year-old, and we’ve traveled around the world. I’m not trying to act holier-than-thou; I didn’t know this research back then. Now that I do, I share it with everyone because we did this with our kids.

When Ashwin turned three in Japan, we had taken a trip around the world. On flights, we gave him a device to keep him entertained for eight-hour flights and while we were out. It was our way to manage. Then I looked into the research and learned that kids are born with twice as many neurons as adults. The brain undergoes a pruning process to determine what to keep and what to discard based on activation.

If we think about the rise in ADD and ADHD, giving kids access to devices—even fast-paced TV—strengthens the parts of the brain used to processing at that speed. No surprise, when they’re five or six and sitting in class, they can’t pay attention. They’re not used to processing information at that pace. Their circuits crave more excitement, more drama—like Tom chasing Jerry. Then in class, the teacher is talking about “A is for Apple,” and they just can’t focus.

It’s like heroin. Giving this to them early fundamentally reshapes their brains. We are complicit in shaping who they become and what’s possible for them. That research blew me away, Mark. I don’t think it’s discussed enough in our world.

Mark Weinstein: Right. The expert on this is Jonathan Haidt. He talks about mental health in kids, addiction, and the problems we already know. Pediatricians and organizations have warned us for years.

It’s bigger than just kids. They become teenagers and face bullying. Algorithms constantly analyze their self-image. The largest percentage of teen suicides is linked to social media.

It’s a mess, but we can fix it. Part of the solution is restoring networks by getting rid of boosted content. For those who don’t know, I’m one of the world’s leading privacy advocates. In my book, I discuss the battle between privacy and anonymity, which I call the gladiator battle.

Here’s the thing: it’s time for user ID verification. We need to ensure a 13-year-old isn’t being tricked by a 50-year-old pretending to be a peer. A 12-year-old shouldn’t be on social media at all. The government, social media companies, advertisers, and marketers already know who we are. Let’s stop pretending we’re anonymous and get systems in place to eliminate bots and trolls.

We need user ID verification for everyone. Kids on social media should interact only with their peers—13-year-olds with 13- to 15-year-olds—no boosted content, targeted ads, or creeps. Adults would also benefit, as this would restore civil discourse and stop bots and trolls from disrupting democracy.

I detail a seven-point plan in my book. The stories are hilarious. Here’s one: a few years ago, Meta decided it was in Australians' best interest to ask every user to send them a naked photo of themselves. Yes, this happened—it’s well-documented. You’ll have to read the book for the full story.

The book has 21 chapters, 155 pages, and 420 footnotes from credible sources. You can read a short chapter before bed, laugh, and also think, “Here’s what I can do.” Many chapters include immediate actions while this new generation of social media evolves, and as the government starts to break up companies like Google and Meta. Recently, the government found Google guilty of antitrust violations. Meta is next.

Ashish: Mark, while we’re waiting for systems, governments, and things to change, what are three specific things adults can do right now to protect themselves and restore their sanity online? Let’s focus on adults—30- or 40-year-olds—who recognize they’re addicted because this has been a core part of their lives growing up.

Mark Weinstein: For adults, it’s more complicated because much of your world communicates with you through your phone—your nanny, mother-in-law, grandparents, kids, or work. The first thing is to set boundaries for yourself and let the world know.

Keep the phone out of your bedroom. This is important for adults and kids. Role model for your kids—you can’t tell them to do something you don’t do. At meals, no phones. When eating with your partner, family, or even alone, read a book instead. Real books—paper books. Feel them, recycle them, and pass them on. Don’t have chargers in your bedroom to ensure phones stay out.

Limit your screen time. Use tools like Apple’s screen time monitor or similar apps. Even China has a maximum of 40 minutes a day on their version of TikTok, recognizing the app manipulates kids and steals data. Delay giving kids smartphones. Start with a flip phone—they can take pictures and look at them, which is great for preserving memories.

Stop posting. Take a break from posting for a week and see how it feels. If someone expects posts, give them a call instead. Any photo or post you share—whether of your child in diapers, winning an award, or having fun—stays online forever. AI makes it easy for future employers, partners, or anyone to find everything you’ve posted. Even innocent posts can be misinterpreted and negatively impact relationships or career prospects.

Take action in your life. Exercise, go outside, and role model these behaviors for your kids. You can’t tell kids to stop playing video games if you’re always busy with errands and never stop to enjoy life. Get outside with them, even if they resist at first. Be consistent—they’ll adapt. Kids depend on you to be strong. Their job is to test you; your job is to stay firm when tested.

Ashish: I love it. I always say my son is my biggest teacher. I use it in a different context, but I love what you said—the job of kids is to test us, and our job is to be strong.

Mark Weinstein: Yeah, also turn off the metadata on your photos. Most people don’t realize that every picture you take and post has metadata—timestamped and location-stamped. For safety, security, and privacy, it’s easy to fix.

Go into your privacy and security settings, whether on Android or iPhone, and turn off photo metadata. It’s a simple step that instantly improves the privacy, security, and safety of you and your family.

Ashish: Wow, what are some other tech-oriented things like this? I had no idea you actually…

Mark Weinstein: Are you ready for this one? If you’re driving a General Motors car, go into your GM app. Every GM car now comes with a GM app. Turn off the data collection—it’s right there under "My Data."

Do you know who gets that information? They give it to insurance companies and the government. They know when you’re breaking the law—speeding, running a light—even if you didn’t get a ticket. That data is shared with your insurance companies, and your rates are influenced by it, not just your driving record. Turn off that data.

There’s a lot you can do about data collection. Social media is here, but you can create texting or chat groups. Most people already do this—it’s a way to communicate with the people you want and share pictures directly. Again, turn off metadata on your photos in case they get reposted. Ask your contacts not to repost, but turning metadata off is key.

Check your privacy settings. Meta tracks you whether you’re a member or not, logged in or not. The Wall Street Journal documented this nearly 10 years ago, and it hasn’t changed. Be mindful of location data and other features on your phone. The data ecosystem grabs everything it can.

This will change soon. The inventor of the web, Sir Tim Berners-Lee, endorsed Restoring Earth’s Sanity Online and shares the vision of a digital future that prioritizes human well-being. Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple, also endorsed the book, calling it a must-read for anyone concerned about our digital future.

The book offers tons of actions—it’s hard to pick just three because there’s so much you can do, including working in partnership with your kids. Tim Berners-Lee has also invented a new system called PODS, which will enable data portability.

One of the problems today is the network effect—half the world is on Facebook or Meta products, and we’re stuck there. But with government efforts on data portability and interoperability regulations, we could stimulate the free market.

Imagine starting a new social network where people could easily move all their data to your platform. That’s a game-changer. It would allow us to vote with where we choose to be members and bring our friends along. Right now, we’re stuck in the network effect.

Ashish: Mark, I have a question. Your comment earlier about the journalist who asked Meta for all their data and received 60,000 pages is still on my mind. Can people request that data be deleted?

Mark Weinstein: Deleting your data from Facebook is complicated. On one hand, they say you can delete your account, but there are a lot of caveats. For example, anything you’ve posted involving other people will still live on their feeds.

Even if you delete your account and your data, it’s on backup servers that persist for ages. Plus, that data has already been scraped and exists in the broader data ecosystem. Essentially, while Facebook says you can delete your data, the reality is that it’s not fully effective.

Ashish: So is the only way to get out of this mess to not be on these networks?

Mark Weinstein: For you and me, as older users, our privacy is essentially over. But for our kids, it’s not too late. We can still make changes, though. We can pull ourselves off these surveillance capitalist applications—that’s what they are: surveillance capitalism.

I have a nine-minute TED Talk on the rise of surveillance capitalism, purposely short so it gets right to the point. Democracy and surveillance capitalism are supposed to be polar opposites. Democracy protects privacy as a right.

In the meantime, here’s what you can do:

Turn off photo metadata. Anytime you post a photo, remove the embedded data—location, date, time, etc. This prevents that information from being stamped on your photos.

Stop posting so much. Be mindful about what you share, especially about others—family, friends, reunions, etc. Make sure they’re okay with it because it will live online forever.

Explore alternatives. Consider platforms like Mastodon, the search engine DuckDuckGo, or Jack Dorsey’s Web3 initiative, BlueSky. MeWe is another platform that protects your data as yours, without mismanaging or analyzing it.

I get it—some people still enjoy seeing what others are doing on Meta or feel addicted to TikTok, Instagram, or X. But start slowing down and reconnecting with real life.

Go out with a friend, put your phones down, and talk. Get through those awkward silences—just wait. Eventually, life starts to restore itself. Restoring our sanity online is the first step to reclaiming our mental well-being offline.

Ashish: Mark, I created a series as part of my work around flourishing. I realized it’s as much about doing new things as it is about dropping old habits at the heart of our suffering. One of the topics in the series is how we’ve made unhappiness a habit.

We talk a lot about building new habits, and I know you wrote Habitually Great. One habit I often mention is exactly what you’re saying. When I came to the U.S. in ’97, I remember standing in lines at Six Flags in ’99. Back then, people would just look around and observe each other because smartphones and social media weren’t part of our consciousness.

Now, when you go out, even at a restaurant, you’ll see four people all on their phones. Waiting in a queue? On your phone. Riding an elevator for 30 seconds? On your phone. If we want to restore our sanity online, we have to start by simply putting the phone away. Create the capacity to be present.

We’ve become so used to constant stimulation that being without it feels uncomfortable. It’s like going through caffeine or dopamine withdrawals.

Mark Weinstein: A simple practice to reconnect with the world is something I learned years ago, called the power of acknowledgment. If you’re in an elevator, notice something about someone—shoes, earrings, a shirt—and say, “I like that. It looks great.” Compliments are disarming and can start conversations.

It could lead to, “Where did you get that?” or, “Do you work in this building?” Human beings are naturally conversational—face-to-face, not on phones. Compliment your waiter or waitress, even if they’re having a bad day. If you’re ready to get upset, pause and remind yourself: it’s not about you.

When someone seems rude or dismissive, it’s usually not about you. They’re dealing with something else, and you happen to be there in that moment. If you can step out of your own upset and ask, “Are you okay?” or “Can I help?” it shifts the dynamic.

We need to stop being so self-centered. It’s not about us. Someone—maybe Jack Canfield—taught me this lesson: when we stop seeing the world as being against us, it becomes a much more beautiful place.

Ashish: We’ve also forgotten to stop and look at the sunset. We’ve tuned ourselves out from wonder. These moments of awe slip by unnoticed if we don’t stop and pay attention.

Mark Weinstein: Yes, and maybe your television said it best. I was watching the baseball playoffs and the World Series, and some of the ads were about taking a "Zen moment." To me, this is great. I don’t know why they’re doing it, but it’s like, yeah, take a Zen moment—step outside, take a breath of fresh air, or just look at a blade of grass.

There’s a great Bluey episode for those of you with kids. Bluey is hilarious, and one episode is called Born Yesterday. The kids pretend their dad was born yesterday, and he looks at a leaf with incredible wonder, noticing all the veins. Later, when he’s back to his normal self, they find him outside looking at a leaf.

Ashish: Absolutely. It’s not esoteric—it’s at the heart of the practices we talk about: savoring, being mindfully present, fully engaged with the world around us.

Mark, I often reference an old Batman movie. Before the modern versions, there were those older renditions. In one, Michael Keaton plays Batman, and Jim Carrey is the Riddler. I don’t know if you remember it.

Mark Weinstein: I remember Batman from even earlier, with Adam West in the TV series.

Ashish: Yes! In the movie, the Riddler creates a device that he gives away for free—a TV that people could watch before "always-on" technology existed. But it would literally take all their brain waves while they watched, plugging them in completely.

To me, smartphones are today’s version of that. We’re always on. People walk through beautiful surroundings glued to their phones. They’re with loved ones—family members they care deeply about—and yet all of them are on their devices. It’s just crazy.

I love the work you’re doing, and the practical tips in your book. For those listening, please check it out.

If you want to flourish, thrive, and be happier, healthier, and more authentic, you can’t do it without changing your relationship with technology. As Mark says, we need to restore our sanity online. Without this work, it’s not just hard—it’s impossible.

Our entire experience is being shaped by this constant connection. To thrive, we need to unlearn and unbundle these habits that have made us prisoners in our own worlds.

Mark Weinstein: Ashish, if I may add, you touched on something really important when you mentioned artificial intelligence. Let’s give everyone listening a phrase: it’s time to release our artificial importance and focus on what’s truly important and valuable.

Ashish: Beautiful. Mark, thank you for joining us and for this amazing conversation. We’ll include links to your book and TED Talk. This was incredibly enlightening for me, and I know it will be helpful for our listeners. Thank you for the incredible work you’re doing in the world.

Mark Weinstein: I appreciate you.

Ashish: Likewise, Mark. I appreciate you.

Mark Weinstein: Thank you, everyone. I appreciate all of you. We’re in this together. Let’s feel powerful and take care of it. Take care.